Psychologist Discusses Friendship Breakups
Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the 2021 Oscars, sparking a public fallout between the pair.
Rock addressed the incident during his Netflix comedy special, "Selective Outrage."
Dr. Frederick Smith told Insider it's important to acknowledge one's role in an argument.
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It was the slap seen around the world.
Three hours into the 2022 Oscars, Chris Rock was presenting the award for best documentary feature when Will Smith strode onstage and slapped him over comments about Jada Pinkett Smith on national television. The incident preceded a wave of criticism, prompting Smith to apologize several times.
"And, you know, if you hang on, I promise we'll be able to be friends again," Smith told fans in a July 2022 YouTube video.
Chris Rock and actor Will Smith attend Nickelodeon's 23rd Annual Kids' Choice Awards in 2010. Kevin Mazur/WireImage
For his part, Rock remained relatively mum on the matter until he aired out his grievances in a no-holds-barred Netflix comedy special, "Selective Outrage."
"I have rooted for Will Smith my whole life," Rock said. "And now, I watch 'Emancipation' just to see him get whooped."
The pair previously had an amicable relationship, having worked together on a 1995 episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and Spike Lee's mockumentary "Torrance Rises" in 1999. Rock later worked with Pinkett Smith on the "Madagascar" franchise.
Friendships are complicated, and the dissolution of one is not always a blame game, according to a psychologist. Dr. Frederick Smith, who has been working mental health field for 15 years, spoke to Insider about what can cause friendship breakups, how to navigate them, and knowing when to cut your losses.
Smith said there are several reasons why a friendship may falter, but sometimes we have to acknowledge our role in a rift
Smith explained that everything from moving cities to opposing values could strain a friendship. Smith and Rock's case involved both parties feeling disrespected by the other on the night of the slap. When this happens, Smith said it's important to determine where the anger came from.
"Was the anger you felt toward the person related to them or something they did?" Smith said. "Or is it something else that was going on, and you took your anger out on that person?"
Sometimes people can misplace their anger.
"A lot of times, we won't face the major stressor and we'll take it out on the person that deserves it the least. That can be a spouse, significant other, family member, or even a friend," Smith said.
But that doesn't mean a friendship is unsalvageable after a disagreement.
After an argument, friends will need to decide whether the relationship is worth repairing
Smith said both parties must be willing to repair the friendship for it to thrive again. That can involve coming together to discuss the problem or getting third-party help from a licensed professional.
"A therapist will help them reestablish that friendship by helping them look into where it started. My philosophy is we cannot focus on the present without looking into the past," he said.
On the other hand, Smith acknowledged that friendships can run their course.
"This is difficult for some people to accept, but some friendships will end. That's natural," he said. "You will not be able to maintain friendships with everybody that comes into your life.
He added: "A lot of times, we run into these problems because we're trying to make seasonal people a lifetime commitment."
Smith said learning to apologize and forgive properly is 'so important' in friendships
According to Smith, sincerely telling someone "I'm sorry" initiates the process of forgiveness, meaning the other person has the opportunity to let go of hurt feelings.
If all else fails, it's okay to grieve a broken friendship, Smith told Insider.
"We don't just grieve when we lose a loved one to death. We also grieve the loss of relationships – even if the person is still living," he said.
He added: "Sometimes friendships aren't meant to last forever and that's okay."
Source: Insider
