Someone at my job is pulling a major scam.
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Dear Prudence,
I have a low-stakes question for you. I work at an architecture, engineering and construction firm, and a few years back, two of my colleagues came out as trans and changed their pronouns. One of them includes “he/him” as part of his email signature; the other one, who uses “she/her,” does not. My entire team regularly works with clients in person or over Zoom, and it makes sense to me that “Mike” wants to head off any misgendering at the pass. (It also makes sense that “Julie” doesn’t care to—it’s entirely my colleagues’ own business and decision to make!)
However, I’ve noticed something I find strange and a little off-putting. Another coworker of mine, who is cis/het (and very traditionally “femme,” with a feminine name), has added “she/her” to her own email signatures.
Maybe it’s in an attempt to be supportive of Mike, but it feels odd and attention-grabbing. Like I said, low-stakes and doesn’t really affect me, although I’ve seen some puzzled or assessing client looks in her direction in meetings after they’ve “met” her over email. When we’re all in a client meeting together, sometimes it feels like a game of “guess who here is trans,” which if I were Mike, would make me a bit uncomfortable. (I did ask him what he thought about it—he and I have been close since before his transition; I don’t work directly with Julie—and he kind of just shrugged and rolled his eyes. He agreed that it was weird, but it doesn’t seem to bother him.) I guess I just find it … strange. And a little like she’s copying my actual trans coworkers’ experience?
—Cis Coworker Trying to “Pass” As Trans?
Dear Trying to “Pass,”
Oh no! I think there’s been a misunderstanding here. Your cis colleague’s use of pronouns in her bio could be an attempt to be supportive of Mike specifically—but it’s probably an attempt to be supportive of trans and gender diverse people in general. A very common attempt, in fact! Start paying attention to email signatures and social media platforms you may use, and you’ll see that a lot of people do the same. For more background on why, check out this explainer from LGBTQ Nation: A primary motivation is that it “normalizes discussions about gender” in the workplace and also sends “a signal to your LGBTQ co-workers that you’re someone who a.) understands and respects the significance of gender pronouns for trans and non-binary people, and b.) can be a trusted confidant and refuge for gender equality and diversity issues in the workplace.”
That said, even very well-intentioned actions like this can land badly, and of course there’s not a consensus among trans people that it’s helpful when cis people put their pronouns out there (just as there’s no consensus in any marginalized group about what they need or appreciate).
If I were you, I’d take a cue from Mike, who seems to find the practice a bit weird in the context of your workplace, and not do it myself. But also, rest assured that Julie is not doing anything wildly out of the ordinary.
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