The Only Way to Watch Barbie and Oppenheimer
Photo-Illustration: Vulture. Photos: Warner Bros.; Universal Pictures
The cinematic event of the summer is Barbenheimer, a one-two punch of Greta Gerwig’s Barbie and Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer, both of which will hit theaters on July 21. The stage is set for the mother of all double features — light and dark, toys and boys, bombshell and bombshell. But which movie should you see first? Let Vulture’s staff walk you through the debate.
.
Let’s not complicate things. Which of these movies would you rather watch in the daytime — a candy-colored romp that takes place on at least two different beaches, or a period drama in which a Harvard grad feels sad about his war crimes? In order to match the vibes of each movie to the rhythms of the day, the correct order is this: Early-afternoon screening of Barbie, ideally enjoyed after a boozy brunch or at one of those theaters that serve alcohol. Then, take a break for ice cream to prepare your stomach for your evening with Oppenheimer. (Runtime: three hours and nine seconds.) Then a late dinner at a spot that lets you smoke cigarettes and discuss existentialism. Do it right, and nobody will be Bohr-ed. —Nate Jones
Barbie at night. Sad! Photo-Illustration: Warner Brothers
.
You don’t eat dessert first. Oppenheimer is the vegetables, something I’ll watch because I need traditional cinematic sustenance. Barbie is the sweets, something I’ll watch because I want a rich jolt of sucrose. We have context for Oppenheimer — there are precedent meat-and-potatoes movies about intense, genius men who accomplish something major during a war. Christopher Nolan has made one already, so it’s not unreasonable to think Oppenheimer is no Twin Peaks–esque surrealist examination of nuclear power. Barbie’s press tour, on the other hand, is delightfully perplexing. It makes the movie seem like high art inside unapologetic commercialism; nihilism meets capitalism painted hot pink. That kind of glacé deserves to come after a solid meal, as to avoid an unbalanced diet. My plan? See Oppenheimer around noon, when I’m awake enough to process the plot but dreary enough to doze off if things get boring (a big boom will eventually wake me up). Then I’ll eat a non-metaphorical midday meal that’s as greasy as possible. Then, in the evening, I’ll head to Barbie. —Jason Frank
When to Eat If you’re seeing Barbie first, the sequence should be: Brunch → Barbie in the early afternoon → break for ice cream → Oppenheimer in the evening → late dinner If you’re seeing Oppenheimer first, the sequence should be: Coffee → Oppenheimer in the late morning or early afternoon → late lunch → Barbie → midnight gorging because you feel both stuffed (intellectually) and starved (physically)
.
Listen, I hear the “You wouldn’t eat dessert before dinner!” argument. And yes, I consider Barbie to be the candy-colored treat that I absolutely have to eat after a meal on opening night with all my friends before heading to Barbie-themed karaoke night. But here’s what I’m going to do: The next day, in the early afternoon when I’m hungover, I’ll sluggishly walk into a theater again to see Oppenheimer — sunglasses on, bracing myself for the devastation that Nolan is promising. I need to see it during the day so that I can then stumble out of the theater and into the hot sun, which I’m hoping will shock me out of my inevitable speechless fugue. Then I’ll recharge by going into the national breakfast chain restaurant IHOP to consume a stack of pancakes as the ultimate pick-me-up before heading back to Barbie on my own. As with every Greta Gerwig movie, I have an intense impulse to watch it with others first and then return to the material a few more times by myself. (I rang up my AMC A-List approximately seven times for Little Women.) I’ll end my weekend with a solo cathartic cry. Best weekend ever, I swear! —Savannah Salazar
Robert Oppenheimer acknowledging your speechless fugue. Photo: Universal Pictures
.
Even if you’re more excited for Barbie than Oppenheimer, it’s hard to deny that the Trinity test — the thing to which a significant part of Nolan’s three-hour movie is building — is going to be hard to follow. Ryan Gosling is going do some funny stuff as Ken, but Nolan used practical effects to recreate the appearance of an atomic explosion with IMAX cameras. With that in mind, I propose we blow up (heh) the entire concept of a double feature and instead watch most of Oppenheimer, but leave just before the explosion. Then watch the entirety of Barbie. Then come back and watch Oppenheimer’s big boom and the remaining portion of the movie. This is loosely inspired by a popular viewing order of the Star Wars movies where you slot the prequel trilogy between Empire and Jedi for the ideal narrative. The only downside to this method: You will need to buy three movie tickets instead of two, and you will need to note the time you run out of the first Oppenheimer showing — the second you realize the bomb is upon you! — and enter the second Oppenheimer screening at the next exact second. Otherwise, it’s the perfect way to ensure that Barbie ends with a bang. —James Grebey
When to Supplement It’s best to smoke or pop an edible before your Barbie screening to guarantee perfect reception of all the bright colors and Charli XCX’s “Speed Drive” on theater speakers. But hold off before Oppenheimer. You don’t need to see a nuclear blast while stoned, but you do need to see allusions to The Umbrellas of Cherbourg while nonverbal.
.
Double features are for wimps; a true movie buff would see all three movies opening wide on July 21st. Here’s how I would approach it: See Oppenheimer first — preferably during the day. Anyone remotely familiar with the tale of J. Robert Oppenheimer knows that it isn’t exactly an upbeat story, so it won’t be the one you want to end your night on. Oppenheimer is precisely three hours and nine seconds long, and by the time it’s out, it’ll either be time for dinner or (if you catch a really early screening) lunch. This is when you eat. Skip dessert. See Barbie next, as a pick-me-up. The marketing for that film would have you think that it’s a giant, sweet piece of bright, candy-colored fluff. Greta Gerwig, however, isn’t an idiot, so it’s safe to assume that Barbie will have more going on than that. That said, one hopes that it will at least be fun. Then, you catch a late-night screening of Cobweb, a grisly-looking horror film starring Lizzy Caplan and Antony Starr. Lionsgate is throwing that one into theaters during this busy weekend like one might toss a rotisserie chicken into a pond full of hungry crocodiles. This is a big year for horror, however, so you should check it out, studio dumpage notwithstanding. —Bilge Ebiri
This is Cobweb, an equally important movie. Photo: Vlad Cioplea/Lionsgate
.
Here is what you are actually going to do on the federally acknowledged bank holiday known as Barbenheimer Opening Night. You are going to tackle both movies in one day, Angels in America style. That’s non-negotiable. You might think it’s best to see Barbie first because you want to avoid spoilers, and you can’t really spoil the plot of Oppenheimer. This would be wrong. What you want to do is build vibes over the course of the day, and so you’ll start with the downer. You’re going to want to watch Oppenheimer in the afternoon when the theater air conditioning is needed most. You can do this alone or in a small group. You can be sober for this. In fact, you should be sober for this. The horrors of man’s creation!
The IMAX Consideration If you’re excited to see Oppenheimer in IMAX or 70mm (and you should be; it was shot in those formats, so it should look spectacular in both) you just might have to see Nolan’s movie during the day since prime-time screenings are selling out fast, and nobody wants to sit in the front row of a nuclear explosion. (Barbie was shot on digital and will not be playing in IMAX.)
You’re going to get out of Oppenheimer and pre-game for Barbie somewhere into the evening. This can be a patio, park, roof, backyard, something outdoors. Start while it’s still light out. Here is where you can unpack what you’ve just seen and join up with the much larger crew of girlies with whom you’ll be going to see Barbie (Opp should be seen in smaller breakout groups). You want to be rolling two rows deep. You’re going to get there early to take group pics with whatever cardboard Barbie photo op they’ve set up in the lobby. Sneak in candy, sneak in candy laced with stuff, but also order whatever Barbie specials they have on offer. Spring for the souvenir bucket. Use it for the rest of the summer as an ice bucket at parties. It will be a status item.
After the movie, do not pass go, head directly to the club. Ask a stranger on the dance floor if they ever think about dying. This is how Barbenheimer was meant to be seen. —Rebecca Alter
Source: Vulture
